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"I wrote this for one of our sisters who is wrestling with her faith... it's just the story of my journey, and while others have other journeys and faith expressions, I hope that you'll respect my views just as I promise to respect those you hold. Maybe you'll see the 'real' me better than if I post a picture...
Here goes... forgive the length. I'm old... it's a long journey
I've always been a Christian, I guess... baptized as a baby, raised to be in church on Sundays. I didn't begin my journey with my femininity until my teens, but it soon became another deep piece of me. Sure, initially the dressing was a fetish motivated by hormonal arousals... I think many find that to be the initial attraction, and one I assumed would go away when I got married. But it didn't... it had become an ingrained piece of me, but it had begun to change and morph into something else, something not so much hormonal as emotional. I liked having a softer, kinda prettier side. But I never escaped the guilt I felt about it, because I just "knew" it was wrong, even sinful. Every Sunday I would silently confess my sin to God and plead Him to forgive my weakness, to forgive the transgression of this weird and odd thing I enjoyed.
In my thirties I became a student (later, a teacher) of the Bible. I came to understand the complexities and ancient implications of the Jewish Law (the Ten Commandments and the other 603 laws), how they were given to Moses with the intention to be rules for developing an exemplary society among the Jews. I also saw how the Laws became (as Paul put it in Acts 15) a millstone around the necks of the Jews and led to their conquest and exile. Jesus, when asked, boiled all those 613 Laws (including the "one about crossdressing", Deut. 22:5) down to two - love God, love others. I learned that Jesus hung out with lots of outcasts (although never with crossdressers, best we know) and loved them. And I wanted Him to love me... but I didn't love myself. I couldn't get to feeling forgiveness for this weird weakness I "suffered" from. And which I couldn't shake. And which, I believed, inflicted only me and nobody else.
In the early 1990s the Internet led me to others who had the same feelings... and while I felt blessed relief that I wasn't the only one, the feeling that this was still a sin in need of forgiveness remained. But these 'girls' I met online were open and honest, and they were a hurting community... damaged by years of hiding and shame that I knew well. That, I realized, was what we shared... far more than clothes and makeup.
And then - apart from the femininity issue - I really discovered Matthew 25:31-45 ("whatever you do for the least of these... sisters, you do for me") and what it meant to serve others as Christ called us to do. I built houses, I worked soup kitchens... and I found my soul. Except every Sunday, I was still begging for forgiveness... for myself, for my "sin". Then, as God so often does, it hit me.
This wasn't supposed to be about me. It was supposed to be about others, about the community of sisters in pain and confusion hidden beneath foundation and eyeliner. I needed to love them... an agape love, a for-them love not of hormones but of affection and support, expecting nothing in return. And God gave my creative mind ways to express that love... His love, through me... to the sisterhood.
The rest is sorta history... KC's Top Ten, Yahoo360 blogs, Flickr, Facebook, even SCC... it was about being a positive voice of support, to establish a community, to make people feel loved. Steph Yates shared this view and we became SiCs... Sisters in Christ. Yes, I still dress up and do silly, even stupid things to express my femininity... but I am not the main focus anymore. It isn't about me... it's about everybody else. Carry God's love... wash their feet...
Every Sunday these days, I confess other sins and shortcomings but not the old one... and then I pray by name for my closest sisters, then for those who are especially hurting or dealing with something. Because I know now that God didn't forgive me of my weird little "thing"... He led me to make it an instrument of His kingdom.
And I sleep well at night now... at least, once I drag myself away from the computer.
With love, KC"
I met KC Tyler in Atlanta at Southern Comfort 2014. It was like a combination of meeting a celebrity and and old friend. When I first discovered the community of cross dressers on the internet KC's Top Ten was my favorite site. I was in awe of the beautiful and stylish gurls that KC knew and presented in her editions. I imagined a secret A-list club somewhere where all of these incredible girls got together and and partied. I logged onto her site regularly hoping for the next update so that I could get a glimpse into this mystical world and wished it really existed and that someday I could be a part of it. SCC 2014 to me was much like visiting that secret club. Not only did I have a lot of fun with a bunch of gorgeous t-girls but I got to briefly meet KC herself.
Since that time I have kept in touch with KC and have learned what a wonderful person she truly is. Below is something she wrote that helps explain a little about her and why I admire her more now than ever before.
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