The Other Side
What does my wife think about my "Heidi" vacations?
I know I am very lucky to have a wife that is somewhat supportive of her husband's desire to dress in women's clothing. Some cross-dressers have to hide their hobby and lie about going on a business trip or something when they go away on a vacation like I have done several times. Other wives know about it and "allow" it but not without a lot of animosity, distrust or hurt feelings. So I asked my wife exactly what she thinks of these outings and how she perceives them afterwards.
She started by saying that leading up to my trip she is excited for me to be getting together with others that share a hobby that I enjoy. She will go shopping with me and helps me pick out dresses and outfits for my events. She asks me if I need to get new pantyhose or hairspray before my trip. This year she even helped me pick out just the right necklace to go with my formal gown.
She admits that most of the time she kind of keeps herself in denial, or at least blocks out images in her mind about what we will be doing, thinking of it more as a guys weekend get-together, which is somewhat true, with a definite twist.
After the trip things can be a little weird at first. One time she immediately wanted to see my photos. I was very glad to be able to share them with her. I'm not sure if she was glad to see that the photos showed nothing nefarious was going on or if she was concerned by how naturally I seemed to have spent several days living as a girl.
However, usually she doesn't want to see the pictures or even talk about my trip right away. She said she kind of feels bad about it because she knows when anyone comes home from a vacation they want to share the things they did and saw and the photos of the adventure. But when I'm back home she first wants her husband back and to know things are the same as they were before I left. She still has, and to some degree will always have, the worry that some day I will decided to become Heidi 24/7 and after I've spent a few days as Heidi those worries are at their peak.
I have been a little weird myself after coming home from a trip. I am unsure how she will react to knowing I was playing dress-up for several days. Will she still find me attractive? Will she be irritated at me for enjoying doing things enfemm that I don't generally like to do with her, such as going to museums and shows? Will she be mad at me for selfishly going away to a transgender convention instead of spending the vacation time with her? I still have, and to some degree will always have, the worry that some day she will say she's tried her best to deal with this but can't do it anymore.
A few days after a t-girl trip we eventually talk some about what went on. This time was especially good to talk about. Since I had spent a lot more time getting to know other gurls instead of just running around taking pictures in fun places, I was able to tell my wife about the things I learned about this group of friends and the community we make up. I shared about how even within this group of people that share a desire to dress as women there is quite a bit of diversity. And about the acceptance and concern we share for the well-being of each other.
My wife says she still doesnt want to go with me to a crossdressing event but is quite willing to let me go again. She says I come home revitalized and recharged and thinks this is a needed outlet for me to experience something I enjoy.
She says I am a wonderful husband and father and maybe whatever part of me has a desire to emulate women is also what makes me good at being the husband and father. She also thinks it is good for me to feel like I am contributing to the welfare of others with my blog and being an advocate for responsible cross-dressing.
When I'm away she says she misses having me around just like any other time we are apart but she doesnt worry so much about what I am doing and she trusts me to make good decisions. Her biggest worry is that I'd get hurt. She imagines that I might meet some "haters" that might beat me up for dressing enfemm....or that I might be in jail for beating the crap out of them.
But when we talk on the phone she is relieved when she hears how relaxed I sound and that I'm having a good time. A couple of times I talked to her on the phone when I was away and I might have bene a little depressed or missing her as well and she encouraged me to go have fun and reminded me that I had been looking forward to these days to be Heidi for a long time.
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